Exercise is not selfish, it is the opposite: taking care of your health first is what makes you capable of taking care of everyone who depends on you, the same reason airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before helping your kids. I get this question constantly from people starting a fitness habit, and as a father of three who has trained an hour a day for my children's entire lives, I have strong opinions on it. In this Physical Friday I explain when training time enhances family life, when it steals from it, and how I schedule mine so it never costs my family a thing.
Watch or listen now: press play above and follow along.
No. I would argue sitting on the couch is the selfish choice, because it is the easy one. The person who exercises, eats properly, and takes care of himself is trying to be the best version of himself, the best dad, the best husband, the best provider. The catch is timing: the hour has to come from your own time, not from family time, or the math changes.
On an airplane, the instructions say that if the cabin loses pressure, you put your own mask on first and then help the people around you, because if you pass out, you cannot help anyone. Health works the same way. As a parent and the leader of my family, I have a duty to be the strongest and healthiest I can be so I am ready to take care of my wife, my kids, my house, and everything else at all times.
Whenever it does not place additional stress on your family. For me that is very early in the morning: I get up before anyone in my house and have it done before they wake, and that has been true since my kids were babies. For you it might be lunch hour or after the kids go to bed. I am not here to pick your time of day, only to say the time has to be yours, not theirs.
I got up an hour earlier than everyone and traded sleep for training, so I never intruded on family time. In the afternoons I would load my two boys into a double jogging stroller and run with them, which gave my wife a break after a full day with them. Either I took the kids with me or I trained at a time that actually helped the family.
Yes, there are levels to this. If you walk in from work right at dinner, bath, and bedtime and head to the gym, you missed the point. Too much time and energy in the gym can absolutely detract from your responsibilities at home, and that is not sustainable for your training, your marriage, or your family. The opposite extreme, no effort at all, leaves you weak and sick and a poor protector. The answer is a balance between the two.
Because nobody resents it. If your workout creates problems at home, eventually either the workout or the peace goes away. If it happens while everyone sleeps, there are no complaints, you are present when you need to be present, and the habit can run for decades. Mine has run my children's entire lifetimes, and it will probably still be running in fifteen years because it is simply who I am now.
This one comes up in almost every conversation I have with someone starting their fitness path. They are sensitive about the hour a day, and so am I, because I am a family man with three kids and a marriage I care about. I have been exercising for the entire lifetimes of my children, and they have never known any other way. How that actually works day to day is what I get into in the episode, so press play above.
The whole argument turns on one question: whose time are you spending? An hour carved out of dinner, bath, and bed is going to cost you. An hour carved out of your own sleep costs nobody but you. I walk through the jogging stroller years, the pre-dawn alarms, and the afternoons where my workout actually gave my wife a break, in the episode. Press play above.
The airplane instruction card is the cleanest picture of this idea I know. Put your mask on first, then help the people around you, because an unconscious parent helps no one. I take that analogy all the way through what it means to be the provider and protector of a family in the episode, and why being strong and healthy is a duty rather than a hobby. Listen for the full argument.
There are levels to this, and I am careful to say so. You can absolutely take gym time too far, pour too much energy into it, and let it detract from your responsibilities at home. You can also go the other way and let your health collapse. Somewhere in between is a balance, and finding it is personal. I share how I think about that balance in the episode, so press play above.
I am not going to the gym every morning because it is fun, although I do get satisfaction from it. I am doing it so I can be the best provider I can possibly be, so I do not get sick, so I am ready to go at all times for the people who count on me. Framed that way, the guilt disappears.
Figure out the time of day that works for your family, claim it, and stop apologizing for it. Some people agree with me on this and some do not, and I would genuinely like to hear where you land: podcast@saltwaterexperience.com. If you have ideas on finding the balance, you might even make a good podcast guest. Press play above.
oxygen mask analogy · family fitness · early morning training · double jogging stroller runs · work-life balance · provider mindset · exercise habit · Physical Friday
Physical Friday is my weekly fitness series for fishing guides, anglers, hunters, and outdoorsmen — the training, nutrition, and mindset to stay in the game for life. Watch and listen to every Physical Friday episode from Tom Rowland.
I'm Tom Rowland, a professional fishing guide based in the Florida Keys, host of the Tom Rowland Podcast, and the longtime host of the Saltwater Experience television show. On the podcast's Physical Friday series I share the workouts, recovery methods, and fitness habits that keep me ready for guiding, fishing, hunting, and everything else outdoors, in short, focused episodes you can put to use right away.
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